Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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