How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Text me some of your sweat
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
