you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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