She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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