I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
