my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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