i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I did not marry a roomba.
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