My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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