Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
