careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Gay?
German.
Pity.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
