I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
