I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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