I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
