You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
