If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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