come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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