I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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