he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my liver is dry heaving
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
