I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
