K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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