i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
