New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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