I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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