So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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