Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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