So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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