you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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