You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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