Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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