my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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