kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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