Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
