If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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