I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
