Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
