I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
