I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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