Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
