i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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