operation harelip BJ is a go
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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