Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
