Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
