There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
