hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
