im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bring money and cleavage
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
