Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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