she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
