Im at strip club and am horny
Umm I'm too high to move.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
