Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
