I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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