I can text with my tongue
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
