Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
